There and Back Again

Truth is each post I open I'm afraid will become more similar to the last. As I type this, a siren wails near by. Someone must have had an accident while I sit in my room, my face lit with the gloom of my computer. I could be that pale person struggling to live in the accident, or the lonely driver that desperately drives into the night. But I'm the lonely man in the quiet neighborhood who is sure that there is something more than this. And while I ponder on the fragility of life I realize that I've never been afraid to die. Like Gandalf so wisely puts it "Death is just another path" and as Christian I'm more than convinced on that. I'm scared that this life I lead has been cut from its true source. I'm scared to know that I failed because I neglected the solution in exchange for an adventurous life. I'm scared to betray that which I so firmly believe. And it’s strange since I'm so sure of what I believe in that it amazes me sometimes. But no man is incorruptible for we can all succumb to the exact opposite in a flash.
There are days when I feel this enormous potential boiling up inside me waiting to explode but never really reaching the point when it does. What do I have to share to the world that is worth more than the tales of a lonely and alienated man? Do not get me wrong for I choose this path willingly and with a smile. I've learned that we must walk for the sake of knowing what comes next not for the applauds of the spectators. This path is mine and mine alone and I treasure it but I confess that sometimes I forget why I walk. And then I remember that I walk to know what lies ahead, I remember I walk to reach that place I so vehemently sought. My Elysium. My sunlight patch.
I've always been in love with sunlight and the way it casts itself upon the world. Every road I drive where there are patches of sunlight is a road that seems to lead straight into the heart of matters. Of matter itself in terms of my life. But this road cannot go "ever on and on" for I want to get home. I need a place to stop and get life started as it should start. I know that paradise awaits me and that this life is utterly meaningless compared to the things that will come but I would be a liar and a thief if I was to say that each day that passes isn’t a great deal to me. I know now why God created the day and night. It is a promise, a promise that each day may bring what we seek, what we need. The sun falls and the moon rises to say, "Tomorrow might be that day. For now sleep." A promise each day until the end of our days. What more can one ask for? The chance to mend things, to get it right the next day. I'm tired and a bit drunk and this post has turned into self advice and self assurance that tomorrow the universe will resets itself, making God the only constant. I firmly believe that everyday we have a chance to get back on the road that leads to our own heaven and as long as this body draws breath I shall not stop walking.