I find myself exposed under my own gaze. Is this the path for me? I admit that it seems less adventurous and less grand and that it pretty much redefines my life but then I stop to think, why am I doing this? Don't I want the glory that comes with the image I so neatly composed years ago? The filmmaker they all envy?
It's hard for me to be this honest with myself. It takes me to places I'm not sure I want to be but it also shows me a different side to my life, to my dreams. I long for an answer and for the courage to do what is right, to do what must be done in order to become the person I have always wanted.
At this point nothing matters more than doing this. And by this, I mean this walk, this peregrination into the deepest part of myself. Recently I've seen my life or tried to see my life from the outside of my materialistic self and I've managed to strengthen my Faith in my King and to see a whole new side to my life.
People haven't said to me exactly what I want to hear regarding this new path. I haven't said to me what I wanted to hear in my most private moments. But the call is there. It pulses with devotion to its source and I cannot ignore it any longer. My duty is to me and myself only. I should never forget that. The question is, have I chosen the correct course? Both answers may be nothing more than split paths upon the same road that could eventually lead to the same place.
But, do they really?
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2 comments:
The most truthful answer is that they don't lead to the same place, but it sounds like you're coming up on the discovery that the journey is as important as the destination. Some parts of the journey suck royally, but for the most part if the journey is interesting, makes you learn and grow, then the destination may not even matter.
I didn't imagine I would still be in school at 26, that I would be at the San Francisco Academy of Art University, that I would have been married and divorced by now, so many things. In some ways I regret the decisions I made, but at the same time it's easier to be prepared for whatever comes by screwing up early on. The personal enrichment from my experiences have only truly served to enhance my creativity, and that is something that will always give anyone the upperhand over fresh-out-of-diapers university students that have no experiences at all, good or bad.
You may not be a "young Tolkien of the film industry" yet, but who gives a damn? Life as a whole is too precious to be worried about burning out all the good experiences in your youth :-P
"Life as a whole is too precious to be worried about burning out all the good experiences in your youth."
I'd never seen it this way until now. Really helpful insight my friend!
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